“Galahad! Oh, Galahad!” cried Lancelot.
“What’s up, kickass knight man?” said Galahad.
“I want to have a party!”
“Yes! A party! To celebrate my impending nuptials with Guinevere.”
“I thought Guinevere was married to Arthur.”
“No, that’s only in the movie version. In real life Guinevere is really in love with me.”
“Do we know that for a fact?”
“Who knows? All I know is I want to have a party!”
“Okay!” agreed Galahad. “What kind of party?”
“Hmm…” said Lancelot. “That’s a good question. I hadn’t thought that far. What kind of parties are there?”
“All sorts!” said Galahad. “There’s banquets with lots of food and drink! There’s crazy dance parties with flickering lanterns and waving candles and a lot of repetitive percussion beats! There’s also bro parties where all us knights drink ale, watch footage of old jousts, and eat fried potatoes.”
“Interesting,” said Lancelot. “They all sound fun. I think I’ll go for the first, but is there some way we can work in some of the funnest stuff from the second and third?”
“Certainly! One banquet, with dancing and fried potatoes, coming straight up!”
In less than 24 hours Galahad had the castle abustle with hundreds of servants and cooks working to prepare the most kickass banquet in the land. Venison was brought in – cheese – apples – bread – and apparently they didn’t have veggies back then so that was pretty much it, but a LOT of all those things were brought in. Then the great hall was decorated (in addition to his numerous knightly talents, Galahad was a fabulous interior decorator) with lots of dried florals, strings of candle lights, and weird tapestries.
Finally, party day arrived. “Woo-hoo!” shouted Lancelot, rolling out of bed and sprinting down the castle steps to the hall. “Galahad! Is it ready?”
“Come see!” replied Galahad.
Lancelot burst into the banquet hall, which was already full of all of his friends, plus all the knights and ladies in the land, plus a lot of fun commonfolk. Guinevere came down from the royal table, clad in a shiny dress.
“My dear, check out the party I’m throwing for us!” said Lancelot.
“Lancie, it’s just the best party ever! And it hasn’t even started yet!”
“That’s right!” said Lancelot. “Come on, Gala, let’s get this party started!” Galahad clapped his hands, and trays and platters of food zoomed out of the kitchen and onto the guests’ tables. He gestured to the musicians in the corner of the room, who struck up a jolly tune.
“Wonderful!” cried Lancelot, twirling Guinevere out into the middle of the floor. Along with the other guests, they danced until dawn, breaking only to grab a haunch of venison and a roast apple in coconut rum sauce here and there.
In the morning, pooped guests napped on the tables while the sun streamed into the banquet hall.
“Well, Gala, that was just about the best party of my life,” said Lancelot, out of breath, lying flat on his back in the middle of the dance floor.
“Oh I’m so glad, my liege. We can have another one whenever you wish.”
“Hmm. Tomorrow? Or is that too long from now?”
“No, most kickass knight! Tomorrow sounds good!”
And thus, under Lancelot’s reign, the partying continued for a very long time until King Arthur’s land developed quite a wild reputation and all the respectable kingdoms wouldn’t come within ten miles of it. As a result, the raucous realm remained free from conflict and war for a very long time.
Moral of the story: Parties are fun. Have more parties.
- Core apples partway (leave the bottom of the apple intact) and slit the skin around the middle (so apples don't burst while baking...not speaking from personal experience here or anything).
- Rub apples with coconut oil/place a little oil inside the hole, and sprinkle with salt and cinnamon.
- Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit, for ~40 minutes or until apples are cooked through.
- Coconut creme anglaise: blend coconut milk with vanilla, maple syrup, pumpkin/squash, rum, and pinch of cinnamon.
- Plate apples, pour cream around, and enjoy the party 😉