All was chaos over in KeyLime-dia (yes that’s a place). Unlike Mangoland, KeyLime-dia was a disorganized mess in the run up to the annual Kingdom Bakeoff. Instead of practicing their maneuvers and organizing themselves into squeezing units, key limes were bouncing off the walls of the castle and playing squash with themselves in the castle squash courts. It was only the night before the Bakeoff when they finally got their act together and marshaled themselves into tart formation for their first and final inspection by the Queen of KeyLime-dia.
“Yoo-hoo!” cried the Queen. “Hey my lovely limedies, come over here so I can take a good look at you beauties!” The lime tarts hooted and hollered and crowded into the banquet hall where the Queen lay on a luxurious feather bed. She gestured them closer with her giant fan as they bumped and jostled each other, getting key lime filling on their sticky tart boots.
“Well, what can I say, my darlings, you look tip-top, ship-shape, splendifeeroos! What say you, Fernando?”
The Queen’s handsome courtier snapped to attention. He was the only one of the bunch with any actual military training, having defected from his birth country, Mangoland, many years before.
“They look super to me!” replied Fernando. “Even better than last year!”
“Yes I think so too,” said the Queen with a satisfied flap of her fan. “Okay my tartlets! Go forth and bring back the prize! Or if not, there’s always next year.”
The key lime tarts let out three huzzahs for their Queen before scurrying and scrambling over each other in their hurry to get to the Bakeoff arena.
When they arrived at the tournament, they found their arch-enemies, the mango tarts, already assembled and glowering. Their sergeant glared at Fernando.
“Traitor,” he said, spitting a wad of mango fiber onto the tournament grass.
Fernando shrugged, glad he didn’t have to abide by Mangosian discipline.
“Key-limers!” commanded Fernando. The key lime tarts stopped snapping selfies of themselves and lined up in front of him. “We’re up first! Don’t forget to shine your shoes!”
Chortling, the key-limers shuffled over the toes of their neighbors as they passed the coconut oil back and forth.
A loud bell rang. Fernando raised his arm and gave the signal, and the limedies began to march onto the parade grounds, doing one, two, three turns in front of the judges. All was going swimmingly when suddenly the lead key lime tart was smacked in the face by a cream pie, launched from somewhere in the grandstand.
“Hey!” shouted Fernando. He turned towards the sergeant of the mango tartlets.
“Wasn’t us!” barked the sergeant. “All my tarts are right here. But it’s not like you tossers didn’t deserve it.” The sergeant smiled smugly.
Meanwhile the lime tart who’d gotten smacked in the face was licking cream off his face with a delighted look. “Yummy!” He grabbed some of the cream and threw it at the sergeant’s face. “Cream for yooos!!”
“Hey!” shouted the sergeant, wiping coconut out of his eyes. “All right that’s it. I’ve had about enough of you limey upstarts. Mango troops! Attack!!” The mango tartlets began to march towards the key lime tarts. Fernando rallied quickly.
“Limedies! Get ready, it’s your favorite! FOOD FIGHTTT!!!” The lime tarts squealed in happiness and pandemonium broke out as the tarts unloosed thousands of lime gobs everywhere. The mangos fought back, and so did the pineapple tarts, and the dragonfruit balls, and soon enough the whole stadium was one gooey, melty mess of fruity deliciousness.
Luckily, most of the flavors were compatible, but separating the mess back into individual troop units was never going to happen, so the tarts remained newly integrated as pan-tropical tarts, and from that day forth the four Kingdoms avoided bake-offs and merely held potlucks and festivals instead.
- AIP Crust
- 1 c water chestnut flour or cassava flour
- ½ cup tapioca flour or arrowroot starch
- 6 tb coconut oil
- ¼ tsp sea salt
- 1 tsp cinnamon
- 3 tb honey or maple syrup
- 3-5 tb water as needed
- 1.5 cups avocado (about 3 avocados)
- ¾ c key or regular lime juice
- ¼ c maple syrup
- ¼ tsp sea salt
- 1 tsp vanilla extract
- pinch of cinnamon
- 1 tb lime zest
- ½ c coconut cream
- 1 tb grassfed gelatin (for vegan sub agar-agar)
- 2 tb tapioca flour or arrowroot starch
- Crust: Mix ingredients together until crumbly texture achieved, add water as needed to make mixture adhere. Spoon and press into silicone molds in a muffin tin. Bake at 350 degrees Fahrenheit for 20 mins or until slightly browned.
- Filling: Blend all filling ingredients in a processor. Spoon into baked crusts in the molds and refrigerate until set.
- Enjoy at leisure, but watch out for cream pies and stray lime gobs.