Few people are aware that Frosty the Snowman is actually edible and began life on this planet as a humble sugar cookie. Even fewer people realize that he and his family are good friends with the Gingerbread man and HIS family over in Sugarplum Land, as well as the Snickerdoodlers on Doldruminicks, but animate cookies are a rare bunch and tend to stick together. (Humans are also extremely unobservant and have, for centuries, failed to notice all these cookies congregating and chatting up a storm in the same bowls and plates at holiday parties.)
Anyway, this isn’t really a story per se, but Frosty did want me to convey a brief epistle concerning the debate over Santa and pre-holiday cookies, as follows:
While I would be loathe to formally acknowledge the existence of Santa and thereby demystify the aura surrounding this magical gentleman, I have to say that the time has come for me to speak up on behalf of all my cookie brethren, who have long suffered at the hands of this miscreant. As you are well aware by now, Santa began his career as an inordinate cookie thief, and has only recently regained standing in the eyes of the international community through a series of deceptive toy-making pursuits, possible only through the exploitation of reindeer and elf populations. While we are happy to be eaten by innocent children and families celebrating winter time, we see no need for you to continue to pamper this undeserving reprobate, whose greed and waistline know no bounds. Therefore, we request that you restrict all future baking and consumption to friends and family, not to cookie conmen.
In the meantime, I have it on good information that Santa has a tigernut allergy. Therefore I leave you with the below recipe, as further insurance and deterrent against Santa’s thieving behavior.
P.S. Don’t worry, the elves and reindeer are running an independent outfit these days and will still be delivering gifts and toys, which they do for free without the need for confectionary bribes. (Unlike somebody.)
- Cookie Dough
- ¾ c tigernut flour
- 1 c Otto's cassava flour
- ½ tsp sea salt
- ¾ tsp baking soda
- 1 tsp ground cinnamon (optional)
- 2 tsps grassfed gelatin (omit or sub agar-agar for V)
- ¾ c ghee (AIP re-intro, non-V) or coconut oil
- 1 tb vanilla
- ¼ c honey or maple syrup (V) (to taste)
- 2 tsps apple cider vinegar
- ½ c coconut oil
- ½ c coconut cream
- 2 tsps vanilla
- ¼ c tapioca flour or arrowroot starch
- ¼ c honey or maple syrup
- pomegranate seeds
- dark chocolate or carob chips (for AIP)
- matcha powder (non-AIP)
- freeze dried raspberry powder
- pistachios (non-AIP)
- dried coconut
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees Fahrenheit
- Mix cookie ingredients together, in order listed.
- Roll out on floured parchment paper to about ¼ in. thickness. Cut out holiday cookie shapes and place on parchment-lined baking tray.
- Bake for about 10-12 minutes, until cookies have browned.
- While cookies are baking, beat icing ingredients together with electric mixer until icing forms. Taste and adjust sweetener/flavoring as needed.
- Once cookies have cooled, ice and decorate to your heart's desire.
Shared on Phoenix Helix’s Paleo-AIP Roundtable.