Igor stared out the window of the spaceship, his green nose smudged against the glass. They had just passed Mars, its reddish hues coppery from a giant dust storm enveloping the whole planet – and were about to enter the asteroid belt.
“You know Son,” said his dad, who was sitting at the controls, his long, bendy fingers wrapped around the control joists. “These asteroids are actually made of the same material as this spaceship.”
“Yep. Part of what makes them so resilient to atmospheric conditions. You know what else is made of our spaceship material?”
“Saturn’s rings. You’ll see as we approach.”
They passed Jupiter, always Igor’s favorite. He could never believe that it wasn’t actually solid until they passed the Great Red Spot, its swirling gas storms sweeping his gaze into their fiery vortex, hypnotizing him with pyrotechnics.
“Jupiter, of course—” said his dad, preaching from the pilot’s chair “—is not made out of the same material as us, Saturn’s rings, or the asteroids. Quite the opposite in fact.” His dad polished his monocle before returning it to his broad green nose.
“We’d go right through it, right Dad?”
“In a manner of speaking, Son. Our spaceship is not built to withstand Jupiter’s turbulent gases.”
“Wow.” Igor turned his nose back to the window. He loved their space voyages away from the home planet, the picnics on Titan and jaunts around the Solar System. Next time he’d bring his little brother, Freddie, and show him the Great Red Spot.
“Coming up on Saturn’s rings shortly,” said his dad. Igor gazed at the thousands of teal, orange, and blue rings, banded from a distance, slowly crumbling into their individual particles as Saturn’s gaseous sphere grew to fill the entire viewfinder.
“You know, humans think Saturn’s ring particles are composed primarily of water and ice.”
Igor guffawed and choked a bit on the gum he was chewing. “Really?”
His dad laughed. “Yeah. Funny, right?” He maneuvered the spaceship onto one of the landing sites of a wide, brown particle, where several of their green brethren were directing them with bright orange guiding flares.
“If that were true, though,” said his Dad. “Would we be able to transport ourselves and our ships through the rings?”
“Nope. That’s right, Son. So you see, humans don’t know as much as they think they do about the universe. They’re silly creatures, really.” Igor’s dad pressed a large red button on the control panel and with a sucking swish, Saturn’s rings and the planet itself disappeared from view, replaced by the cold dark, icy gray surface of home.
“There,” said his Dad, grinning. “Successful disapparition #99.”
Igor sighed and hopped to his feet. His dad popped the hatch of the spaceship and together they slid down the rope ladder, landing on the launchpad.
“Welcome to Pluto, home of the Plutons,” read a lopsided banner hanging off the side of the radio terminal.
“Home sweet home,” said Igor, looking wistfully one last time at the night sky, at the orange-tinged dot that was Jupiter, turning to wave at Saturn’s distant gold gleam. His dad put his arm around him and together they walked home.
- 3 medium onions or 2 large ones
- ½ c cassava flour
- ½ c tigernut flour
- ½ c tapioca flour or arrowroot starch
- 1 c coconut milk or water
- 1 tsp sea salt
- 2 tb olive oil
- 2 - 3 c of coconut oil (V), pastured lard (not V), avocado oil, or mixture of your preferred high smoke point oils
- AIP mayo or coconut aminos for dipping
- Peel and slice onions in 1 cm-wide rings and separate them into individual rings.
- Mix flours, milk, salt, and olive oil together until a pancake-like batter forms. Dip rings and coat well in mixture.
- Heat up oil/s in a deep heavy-bottomed pot or deep fryer. When oil is medium hot (~350 degrees Fahrenheit), place first batch of onions in pot (around 5-8, depending how big). Fry for around 3 minutes, or until onions are nicely browned. Remove with slotted spoon or spider strainer, and drain.
- Continue until all onions are fried. Serve with coconut aminos and/or paleo ketchup/AIP mayo.
This post has been shared on Phoenix Helix’s Paleo AIP Roundtable.