Three blind mice were sunbathing in the empty confines of an abandoned spaceship when one of them suddenly sat up and looked around.
“Hey guys,” he announced. “I’m hungry.”
The other mice sat up as well and rubbed their tummies. “So are we. Let’s get a snack.”
“Hmm.” They thought for several minutes, alternately rubbing their tummies and the fur on their ears.
“Ooh I know,” said the first mouse. “We’re in a spaceship, right? Why don’t we go to the moon?”
The second mouse scoffed. “What is there to eat on the moon?”
“Dude,” said the first mouse. “You don’t know?” He looked at the third mouse. “You’d better tell him.”
“Dude,” said the third mouse to the second mouse. “The moon’s made of cheese. You didn’t know that?”
The second mouse’s mouth dropped open. “Cheese? Like, all of it?”
“Yeah, man. Why do you think it has all those holes?”
The second mouse gazed up towards the sky. Suddenly he jumped to his feet. “What are we waiting for? Let’s go! I want some moon cheese.”
The mice ran off to man the spaceship, whose engine soon shook to life with a gentle roar. “Up, up, and away!” shouted the first mouse.
“Where no mouse has gone before!” added the second mouse.
“That’s not technically true,” said the third mouse. “Mice have been going to space since 1951.”
“Oh be quiet,” said the second mouse. “I was being hyperbolic.”
“You were ripping off Star Trek, that’s what,” muttered the third mouse.
“Will you two stop? I want to enjoy this.”
The mice stopped arguing and lay back on the leather seats, enjoying the heady rush of space travel and the smells and sounds of the jet engine. Before they knew it, the spaceship had come to a rutting stop on the surface of the moon amidst a burst of brown smoke.
The mice donned their spacesuits and popped the ship hatch.
“Woah,” said the third mouse, jumping off the door entry onto the soft yellow surface. “It does feel cheesy.”
The second mouse reached down to the moon’s surface to scrape off a sampling of moon cheese. “Can I eat this?”
“Only one way to find out,” said the first mouse, who was busy grating a chunk of yellow moon onto a bowl of fresh ravioli. He dug in with a fork and a look of unadulterated bliss spread over his face.
“How’s it taste?”
The first mouse chewed thoughtfully. “It’s not like any cheese I’ve had before. And I’ve had a lot of cheese. Yet…it’s still indubitably cheesy.”
The second mouse nibbled at his hunk. “You’re right. It’s kind of like a cross between cheddar and gouda…with a slight hint of Roquefort.”
“You guys are nuts,” said the third mouse. “It just tastes like cheese to me.” He knelt down and began munching on the ground directly.
“Ew. Get a spoon will ya?”
“Hey guys listen!” shouted the third mouse. “I hear something! It sounds like…like a cheese river!”
And the three blind mice ran off in the direction of a whirling eddy of molten cheese flows, certain they had made the greatest discovery in the history of mousekind.
*note to readers – the above story was inspired by my 2-year old nephew’s littlebabybum cartoons, as well as a possible high from eating this cheese itself. hard to tell really.
*Quote from Julie's skeptical dad: "Whoa! Amazing. It tastes like actual cheese."
- 2 cups cauliflower (cooked & drained)
- 4-6 cloves of minced garlic or 2 tsp garlic powder
- 4-6 tb nutritional yeast
- 1 - 1.5 tsp sea salt
- 2 tb ghee (AIP re-intro), pastured lard, or coconut oil
- 2 tb coconut cream (optional, works w/o)
- 2 tsp lemon juice or apple cider vinegar (or mix of both)
- 1 tsp ground turmeric
- 3 tb grassfed gelatin
- ¼ c coconut milk
- 3 tb tapioca flour or arrowroot starch
- Bloom gelatin in coconut milk (mix together).
- Steam cauliflower and garlic until cooked through (or nuke in microwave) and drain any excess water.
- Blend with other ingredients (including bloomed gelatin) while cauliflower is still warm, until mixture is as smooth as possible (I used an immersion blender for this.)
- You can either pour mixture into container/mold (lined with parchment paper for easier removal) directly, or cook it stove-top over low heat for 5-10 minutes until the starch thickens (mixture will become gooey and congeal a bit), and then pour into mold. The no-cook version yields a slightly lighter cheese, and the cooked version a darker, stretchier cheese (I like both versions).
- After you've poured the mixture into the lined container, leave in refrigerator overnight to set.
- Then slice, grate, or cut into whatever cheese-like forms your heart desires!
Need an idea for using this cheese? Make paleo pizza! Full post to follow when I’m not just using up random ingredients from the fridge, but for starters, use this bread as a dough base. 🙂